The Social Media

social mediaSo, a couple days ago, I started to play with The Social Media AGAIN. I know I need to do it to promote my writing, but I get bored super quick. I also don’t know how everything works. It seems like one person will post a pic of a racist dog humping a cheezburger-eating cat and then their shit goes viral. I’ve posted plenty of stupid shit and mine never goes viral. I’m a bit of a Luddite too. I don’t think my #SamsungGalaxyS3 is stealing my job or anything, and I’m not scared of it, but I know it’s an unfortunate necessity—and pain in my ass. I’m definitely becoming my father, who doesn’t text or use facebook, and he sure as fuck doesn’t tweet. (Check me out @edgefiction101.) He’s also 72, so it kind of makes sense for him to not give a shit about that stuff. And finally, promoting yourself on SM is a full-time job, and I have better things to do, like playing Plants vs. Zombies 2, smoking cigarettes, drinking diet Coke, and thinking about all the mistakes of my heartbreaking past. Man, I really should have gone to law school and not spent so much of my student loan money on strippers. I wish I was kidding.

Another reason I’m doing it is because there are a shitload of writer jobs out there which require some sort of knowledge about this stuff. Oh yeah, did I mention I’m mostly unemployed? Anyway, I want to be a rich and famous writer or at least employed using my fabulous writing skills. Jesus, I’m way too longwinded in blogs. 500 – 1,000 words, right?

This morning, I pulled up the Twitter on my laptop instead of my phone and saw all kinds of shit I never see when I pull it up on my phone. The list of trending stuff was way longer and way more interesting. On my #SamsungGalaxyS3, I only see the top three trending things, but I saw ten on my laptop. I never have nothing to add to those top three. For example, #Iraq. My first thought on the subject is “Holy shit! If you’re too crazy for Al Qaeda, you are fucking crazy.” But I’m sure that’s been tweeted a gazillion times. #WorldCup? “Yay! #Germany #RanaldoIsHot” Also been said. It was a different story a little further down the list. #Youaintblackif. Booyeah! That’s a conversation I can join. I could even post a picture of my gray cat raping my black-and-white cat with a pseudo-racist comment and go viral.

One of the tweets was this poster of black guys’ heads one might find in an African American barber shop. It said, “#youaintblackif this poster isn’t in your barber shop and the barber never uses it.” Something like that. That’s a conversation I can join without worrying about being super-redundant. I’m a white dude who used to go to a black barber shop (See past blog posts for more on that). I tweeted that and instantly got 10 black twitter buddies. That made me feel really good on so many levels.

What have I learned today? If I dig a little deeper, I might just find something interesting on The Social Media. I’m sure I’ll soon be a world-famous tweeter, blogger, facebooker, instagrammer, etc. I’m not even shitting about this. It was fun and I feel like I got something accomplished today.


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